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Heart Chakra (part two)

So… before the year 2005 I need to tell something more about what I did before and what I was doing in Vienna.  OK… my first boyfriend died when I was sixteen. I was totally devastated with his death....

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After Tito – Tito, after Ron – Ron

When I became a Scientologist in the year 1990, I was shocked by the similarities which I saw between Scientology and Socialism in which I lived since my birth. The first thing I noticed was the cult...

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Heart Chakra (part three)

We looked great. We were like these perfect looking couples…  At least Dorothea said so… Dietrich was Supervisor in the Center. He was  (and still is) a tall guy, very self-aware, cool, he liked to...

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Why is my child angry at me I.

I can’t tell you how much I wanted to have kids. My need for kids was really strong when I came into my thirties and my long term boyfriend just left me and my sister had had a child. I was just...

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Why is my child angry at me II.?

To my astonishment my second marriage ,which was at the beginning going well, also became an ugly thing after four common years. It starts like that… A couple is at the beginning in love and looks...

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Why is my child angry at me? III.

Iza started a new school year in Ljubljana in September year 2006. She acclimatised quickly to this new environment and didn’t have any problems with the Slovenian language at all although she went to...

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My relationships

In my life I had lots of stages, lots of unbelievable and unpredictable events, lots of relationships and lots of suffering- so I can say that -till my now 50th birthday- I have gone through a lot of...

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My body and being naked I.

We all have a need for sex, which is actually the same as a need for food and drink. But we soon start to behave like sex is not “really a need” and we don’t ” need that really”, I don’t do that and so...

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When you give up living

It is now four and a half years from the time that my last partner dissappeared over night, and four years that I lived here at my mother’s. In this time I haven’t lived really. I lived just… I was...

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My body and being naked II.

I started menstruation when I was fourteen. All the other girls from my class already had it. We had a kind of “sexual class” in a school where one teacher explained about when girls get their period...

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My body is created to get children

When I was in the middle of my twenties, I had two abortions. This was devastating for me. I actually didn’t want children when I was in my twenties, although I had a good boyfriend, who I was a long...

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Hell

I was left alone with my partner, who married another woman in one month after he went from our flat. I can’t tell you how much I suffered. I was literally in hell. I was without money, without a job,...

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My pictures

End of the eighties I met a very talented photographer, painter, musician and writer, who became my boyfriend. We made lots of photos together. He drew some portraits of me, my sisters and friends. I...

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This bittersweet love

I had some relationships in my life, which were abusive, but not all of them and not all the time, of course. When I was sixteen, my boyfriend died. So… I had a hard time to understand what is going...

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From prison to vortex

I was in a self – inflicted prison since I returned to my mother’s flat. For four years I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t go anywhere for my four birthdays, nor for four New Years, neither for four summer...

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My double life on internet

I been writing my blog since may 2006 and I always got lot of attention and my blog was always between the most clicked in Slovenia. At the start of 2012 I came on twitter. I really wanted to join two...

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Love with words on internet

There are lots of people who use social media for connecting with other people. I mean… to “get” a relationship. I don’t know about Facebook, but I know about Twitter… I found my last boyfriend on the...

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My mother, food and noise

My mother was obsessed with making food, thinking what we will have for lunch, thinking about buying food and preparing it. Whenever I think about my mother – there she is in the kitchen cooking...

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How to get rid of Oliver

I was a Muse to my boyfriend who made all my pictures in the beginning of 1990. My life was full of praising my beauty. But I felt kind of empty and boring. I wanted more from life. We were for five...

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Fitness after you are fifty – it just starts then!

In  my thirties, very occupied with sports. With my then boyfriend I was cycling, jogging everyday and practising gymnastic. Then I lived in Vienna and I had a child. After the child was two years old...

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Love on distance

I have contact with a man on the internet that feels so close to me. Although I’ve never seen him. He lives almost 1700 km away. Funny but I never felt sad because of that… you know, when you just want...

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She

She is a bit more than seventy years old. She has grey hair, a frightened look and is a bit hunchbacked. She is thin. When you see such a person like she is, you have a feeling that she is constantly...

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Property, money and patterns of poverty

I was born into a good – standing family. My father and mother – both were working. My father was educating himself all my childhood so he would achieve a higher rank officer which of course meant also...

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It started in 1994

When I conceived my first child and I married in 1994, I was in a special state of mind. This was a really crazy year for me. It really was like somebody had me on strings, I was just going in front my...

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Man is coming

It is some years now that I was not with a man. When I looked back, I discovered that I was from my nineteenth year all the time with men. I was with him seven years, than I was half a year single and...

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What brought me internet?

What did the internet bring me? If there was no internet, I would still live in Vienna, together with my aggressive husband… Or maybe I would not be alive anymore? I got the internet in the 2002, while...

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I know what it’s like to love mother and to hate mother

This is the main problem of my life. My relationship with my mother. I’ve told you already how I loved her as a child and how she never ever showed any affection to me, just in the night when I kind of...

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Resistance

Resistance is something where… you really want to do something but at the same time you are prevented to do something. For example… my friend, who I have “an affair” on the internet said to me, that he...

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Despair

I lot of times I am in despair… I have suicidal thoughts. I have no work, I have no money for my kids… I didn’t have so long any beloved in my bed that I tell I serioulsy doubt that I will ever sleep...

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When you give up…

Something strange is going on these days… Yes, it’s already fifth year, that I am single and I started to enjoy being single. And yes, I have offers from different men every day. What can I do with a...

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